Love & Japan

Be honest, how many times have you dreamt or thought of one day potentially having a Japanese girlfriend or boyfriend? I know that I have many times before and even now, while living in Japan, that thought has popped up in my head.

So before I get into the nitty gritty of this post I want to quickly share something with you: I’ve never been very confident with women. Looking back, I can possibly attribute it to the fact that I am a very sensitive person and am very considerate of other people’s feelings. So with women, I try not to do anything that might make them feel uncomfortable around me. In extension to this, I also struggle to talk to women because I am not sure what to talk about or what they like. But before I turn this into a sob story, I want to mention why I brought this up.

Since moving to Japan, I’ve noticed that my confidence around women has improved quite a bit, to the point where I now have a few more female friends than I did back home. Not only are some of them from other countries, but some of them are also Japanese women. One of the factors I attribute this boost in confidence to is joining the drama club. Without having the courage to join a club at my university, I wouldn’t have met some of the amazing people that I now already know.

A picture of me and the Drama Club

“That’s great and all, Dale, but I don’t see how this all relates to what we really came for: how to find our dream waifu/husbando. Are you sure this isn’t a clickbait post?”

Don’t worry, disgruntled reader, I was just about to get to that. And no, I didn’t promise you that this post would help you get a Japanese girlfriend/boyfriend (sorry).

Anyway…as the (imaginary) disgruntled reader asked above, what does me finding confidence with women have to do about this post? Wait…don’t tell that…Dale…has…

NOPE!

As much as I would’ve loved that to be a reality while writing this post, I unfortunately don’t have a Japanese girlfriend (yet). But I will be honest and say that I do find some of the Japanese women I know quite attractive. While I did say that I now have the confidence to talk to women, that doesn’t mean that I’ve built up enough confidence to ask any of them out yet (let me know if you find a foolproof way that works for someone like me. Hell, if I’m lucky, I might even make a part 2 of this post in the future). But jokes aside, while I haven’t been successful in finding love in Japan yet, I wanted to share a quick story of a friend of mine who managed to find hers.

Like me, she wasn’t very successful with love back in her home country. She even liked a guy that showed interest in dating her, but nothing ever worked out between them. However, when she came to Japan, she told me that she had four Japanese guys come up to her and say that she was beautiful. She was so taken aback by the compliments that she wasn’t sure what to do (in a good way). Eventually, she decided to start seeing one of the Japanese guys that complimented her and when I asked her what the most romantic thing was that he did for her, she said that he politely asked if he could kiss her (awwwwwwwww).

From a guy’s perspective, a friend of mine told me that Tinder has been helping him a lot with going on dates with Japanese women. Now look, I have my reservations about using Tinder (probably because I think it’s a bit superficial and I haven’t been successful with it myself), but I know of two friends back home who met their current girlfriends on Tinder and they’re still happily together to this day. So if you’re struggling with finding dates, then Tinder will probably be your best bet.

So to answer the question “will I be able to find love in Japan?”, the answer is yes. But the trap the we sometimes fall into is exoticising Japanese people because they’re “unique” and “different” to the people we usually encounter in our home countries. So while there is no problem with thinking about one day having a Japanese girlfriend or boyfriend, we need to remember that they are still human beings with different feelings and personalities. So rather than basing your ideal partner on their nationality, rather think about what qualities you want in a partner and then the fact that they’re Japanese could just be an added bonus.


Have you ever dated a Japanese person or thought of dating one? What are the qualities that you look for in an ideal partner? Let me know in the comments below!

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